I dropped out of social media for a while. Do I still exist?
It is a strange illusion. Did I really think I could exist by posting my thoughts and pictures on line?
Sometimes things happen in life that challenge my sense of self and those old questions nag me; Who am I? Do I truly exist? Do I truly belong?
Since I was a child fly fishing has helped me with these existential concerns. Even now when some of the people I loved are no longer here, and I feel lost, returning to the river can ease my pain helping me regain who I am.
As the poet Rilke says, "And if the earthly no longer knows your name, whisper to the silent earth: I'm flowing. To the flashing water say: I am."
I stand in the river casting in the flowing, flashing river and I remember him.
I whisper, I still am. I still exist.
Wednesday, February 13, 2019
Sunday, September 30, 2018
Thursday, August 30, 2018
There was one fish that got away; a marvelous fish that will forever haunt me. I had it in reach but did not understand or properly calculate its movements or the depth of what it was thinking and feeling. If only; if only the fish had not moved toward the rocks and the chute of no return, I may have had a chance. There were so many what if’s.
I misjudged the infinite distance between us, even as I felt close. All I know now is that it can never return up the Chute to the place I once casted my line. There can be no re-do’s or second casts.
The fish and the river cascades on down the canyon as I stand watching and asking the same hard questions over and over again; as I will this Fall, and winter, and Spring.
Thursday, August 16, 2018
San Juan worms, RS2's (gray and black) are all taking fish up and down the South Platte at Deckers.
Enjoy the view.
Thursday, August 2, 2018
There are certain drifts that a fly fisher senses might produce a fish. It is difficult to explain.
There are also different people that seem more in tune with a different flow of life. Such people are unique individuals of a different consciousness.
Here are two individuals who at least for a brief time on the South Platte entered a different flow.