Friday, December 22, 2023

"Life and Death in The Middle: Reflections from the Seam Line.

I just completed my 2nd book on fly fishing, the outdoors and spirituality. The book is titled, "Life and Death in the Middle: Reflections From the Seam Line. It is available on Amazon. My good friend Mike Aleckson and I co-authored the book. Below are some of the themes we wrote about.

I think my whole life I had a fascination with strange events, things that would happen, most often in the outdoors, that I could not easily rationally explain. And even though I could not fully understand these events I treasured them in my heart. This book is in essence a collection of those events in the form of stories. I can call these events a Something, or a “God thing,” a mystery.

I remember the pond in northern New Jersey that a strange man, the scary caretaker of that place gave me permission to fish and how that changed my life, giving me the skills to learn to fly fish and how 15 years later I would use to become a guide in Colorado. It all seems mysterious, that frightening man calling me over one day to talk to him, yelling across the pond to me, not to run away. How and why did that happen?

And the times that I guided an individual on the South Platte and on their very first cast they caught a fish, perhaps a trophy fish, and we stood in awe, not of each other, but before Something else that was bigger than us, bigger than “beginners luck” and certainly bigger than my guiding technique and skills.

Or the countless times that the stranger on the river who was time and time again a teacher to me, about kindness, or love,  as though I were being invited to help him or her, to share a fly, a hole, or maybe they had some thing to share with me and how that Something was far more important and bigger than the fish we caught.

This book will not provide easy clear cut answers to lifes mysteries. But we will consider them and contemplate these deeper aspects of life as we journey outdoors into the wild.

Monday, May 15, 2023

Can We Talk People Out of Catching One Last Fish?

I have, more than once, literally and with great patience, talked some fly fishers out of trying to catch "just one more". 

Of course I don't mean I am trying to talk people out of the sport of fly fishing. What I mean is we need to share the resource, slow down a bit and rise above our compulsiveness and egos. Maybe the goal is that everyone in a party gets one fish and that is enough.

If one fish is not enough then 10 will also not be enough. Here is how I see it. If you are fishing with family and friends and you catch a fish but your friend or family member has not, then we need to allow him or her, if possible, to catch up so to speak. We stop fishing, we stop competing and help the person out. 

Of course this is not a perfect system but that could be our goal. One fish, maybe two for each one of us. One or two is enough. Its going to have to be if we want the fish to survive. We would have to talk ourselves out of fly fishing for the good of the resource and for the good of a friend or loved one. But this is not going to be easy as I know I love to catch as many fish as possible and don't like to leave an opportunity unfinished.

I remember guiding one afternoon on the dream stream when I was in my late 20's. It was a large group and we were spread all out on the river. My 3 clients had caught several fish and it was time to head back to the bus. As we were walking along the river I saw another guide and friend. Steve was still with a client working a fish in a run we used to call "Lower Two Riffs".  Steve suddenly yelled "strike" and the client did a bass type strike and broke off the fish again.

"How did you do Steve"? I asked. He said they did ok but there was one big fish that they broke off three times. Steve helped his clients out of the run and were slowly walking back to the bus. I also kept walking but more slowly as I was scanning the run where that client had just broken off that big fish and I saw that it was still rising to the BWO hatch. I half heartily mumbled to Steve, "So, how big was the fish".  He said, "Over 20."

That was the way the dream stream fished in the old days. You could get several chances at a big fish. Now a days, if you spook a big fish he will disappear and rest somewhere licking his wounds. Or so it seems.

While guiding I often carry a 2 weight rod rigged with a dry fly in case we have a hatch I will sometimes work with a client on dry fly skills but it is generally harder to get a beginner to hook a fish on a dry. But I love to throw a dry and especially back when I was in my late 20's and felt I had a right to show off now and then.  So I hastily said to my clients that I was walking with that I just had to make one cast (Since I could see the fish rising I justified it???). We were probably 60 yards away from the run. I said, "Ill catch up to you, it will only take a minute",  as I started a light jog to the run. I made one cast, hooked and landed the large 22 inch rainbow. I got a few cheers from my clients, and the gentleman who broke off the fish 3 times; well I'm not sure how he truly reacted, perhaps he was angry that I caught his fish.  Before releasing the fish I gently pulled out 3 extra flies from his mouth. I caught up to Steve and gave Steve his flies back. Yep, they were all his. I enjoyed a bit of laughter from Steve and the clients.

So, for a few minutes on the Dream Stream I was a type of fly fishing Guru, a "jet I fish-master",  or maybe, when I think about it more deeply,  I was a loser; a pathetic, arrogant guide in my 20's who just  had to show off and catch the big fish and stress it out even more. (at least I got those 3 extra hooks out of his mouth but that does not justify my behavior that afternoon.). I was not considerate to the fish nor the gentleman who broke the fish off 3 times, nor my clients who I was walking back with and chatting about the afternoon of fishing.

It is hard to say "no more" to oneself while fishing. It is difficult to leave those fish alone.  Maybe it only comes after one has fished a life time. I don't know. I think many people think just because a river is catch and release that we have a right to catch all the fish we can.

There are a lot of great guides and fly fishers out there who could have duplicated my actions and caught that fish and probably even done it in a more graceful manner. But that is not the issue. The issue is that we are going to have to think of these fish as a treasure and that when we fish we are going to have to learn to back off and not feel that we have to catch every fish in the river  and go for every opportunity. Or another way is to think of these fish is as our personal property. If that is so, then another question I like to ask myself, is to consider if these were my fish on my private ranch would I allow thousands of people to have "limitless" access to catch as many fish as possible every day of the year and be allowed to use all fly fishing techniques from 3 fly nymph rigs to shuffling to using pegged eggs and worm patterns? 

I would not. I would not allow nymph rigs. Perhaps I would make it a dry fly only river. I would not allow people to wade the river (you would have to learn to cast from the bank). I would close the river at least one day a week. I would close the river during the spawn. I would limit the number of anglers per day. I would not allow fishing in the heat of the afternoon hours. Close the river down at 1:00pm. These are just a few suggestions.  I would do what ever is necessary to preserve the wildness of the fishery. But in our public waters such as the "Dream Stream" we are light years away from enacting such regulations. We place our egos and money above protecting the resource.

Perhaps as a guide in his 20's I would not be able to understand these kind of fishing regulations and preservation. But now at age 63 and a retired guide I can see the damage done by guides like myself and I have no excuse. 

 

Saturday, April 1, 2023

Repetition.

A Thought Experiment:


Nietzsche once said:

"What if some day or night a demon were to stead after you in your lonelinest

loneliness and say to you: This life as you are now live it and have lived it,

you will have to live once more and innumerable times more and there will be nothing new in it."

 

This is Nietzsche's concept of repetition.  It is mainly a thought experiment of sorts, where the individual is challenged to examine his or her life.  It examines the question. 'Do I really love my life, and my fate? If nothing else, this is how Nietzsche can help us go deeper.

I remember when I was a competitive wrestler and then later a runner, I would play these games in my head. It was a deep inner wrestling, part prayer, and part bargaining with God.  I remember being filled with longing and hope but also deeply afraid of losing and losing in such a way that it would seemingly destroy me.  Could I endure losing a race or match in the final seconds (which I have done). I guess I could endure it but I certainly did not enjoy it, and certainly did not love it as Nietzsche asks us to do.

Regarding fishing, can I say no to the fish pulling on the end of my line and hope it will shake free?

But I believe the challenge is to say yes to life again and again even if we know the out come or fear the outcome . This is what Nietzsche meant to love ones life. Can I continually say yes to my life? Even if it is difficult? What other choices do I have? 

Can I say NO?

It seems to me I cant say no because to say no, is to say no to life and cut myself off from life itself. 

So I dangle in the wind.

 

 




 

 

A Thought Experiment:


Nietzsche once said:

"What if some day or night a demon were to stead after you in your lonelinest

loneliness and say to you: This life as you are now live it and have lived it,

you will have to live once more and innumerable times more and there will be nothing new in it."

 

This is Nietzsche's concept of repetition.  It is mainly a thought experiment of sorts, where the individual is challenged to examine his or her life.  It examines the question. 'Do I really love my life, and my fate? If nothing else, this is how Nietzsche can help us go deeper.

I remember when I was a competitive wrestler and then later a runner, I would play these games in my head. It was a deep inner wrestling, part prayer, and part bargaining with God.  And perhaps, I was part crazy. I remember being filled with longing and hope but also deeply afraid of losing and losing in such a way that it would seemingly destroy me.  Could I endure losing a race or match in the final seconds (which I have done). I guess I could endure it but I certainly did not enjoy it, and certainly did not love it as Nietzsche asks us to do.

Regarding fishing, can I say no to the fish pulling on the end of my line and hope it will shake free?

But I believe the challenge is to say yes to life again and again even if we know the out come or fear the outcome . This is what Nietzsche meant to love ones life. Can I continually say yes to my life? Even if it is difficult? What other choices do I have? 

Can I say NO?

It seems to me I cant say no because to say no, is to say no to life and cut myself off from life itself. 

So I dangle in the wind.