William Stafford’s poem, “A
Story that Could be True”, describes a young man standing on a corner shivering
in the rain and watching the people go by. He feels disconnected,
“He
wonders at their calm” and how, “They
miss the whisper that runs inside his mind any day”, that asks the question, “Who are you really wanderer”?
The poem also tells us that
this young man’s mother had died, and that he was exchanged in the cradle and no one ever told him the story of what
happened. He wanders. He watches people and feels far away standing
in the dark and cold. I can imagine he
asks himself again and again, “Who am I really wanderer”? To whom do I belong?
In thinking about this poem
as a Christian I wonder if we might be telling the wrong story. Maybe we are
telling the story of how being a Christian means we will almost always feel
good. Perhaps we are telling the story that the Christian life is
only purposeful and meaningful. And,
that we will always feel connected and we will always know where we
belong.
Perhaps we are telling the
emotional equivalent of a form of the “prosperity gospel” where by not only
will Christians always expect God’s blessings in the form of material
possessions but also in the area of emotional relational blessings. Maybe
we are telling the story that to be a Christian we will always feel connected
and we will never feel lonely.
Hence, the “relational prosperity
gospel”.
I do not think this is the
story Jesus told.
It makes more sense for me to
metaphorically believe that I was exchanged in the cradle and that no one told
me the true story of what really happened.
It makes more sense for me to
believe that I am a spiritual orphan in the world and just maybe, I was mixed
up in the cradle. And when I admit that possibility I might then finally
realize the true story.
Perhaps that is the story
that should be told. Perhaps this is the story that could be true and we should
know.
When it comes to fly fishing
perhaps we are also telling the wrong story.
If the story we are telling and believing is that if we just keep buying
new gear and learning new techniques we will always live in the eternal bliss
of catching fish then perhaps we have lost our story.
And we don’t even have a good
fish story to tell.
Ah, The ever burning question, "who am I?..."
ReplyDeleteWhether Christian; or spiritual in any fashion, I will give this advice: who you are is not defined in your past. Your ever-burning light, (as bright as you choose to make it) is defined by the way you influence those around you. If your intentions are good, without thought for self and ego, life will find a way to enrich you.
Those days where the sun is just right, the fishing is just right, have you ever taken that personal moment? That moment to look that fish in the eye, see him recognize your presence, while lifting your face to feel the warm rays of the sun?
Moments of clarity are where we find our true selves.
Thanks again for your thoughts. The moments of clarity which you describe, those 'personal moments', are quite rare for me. But I desire such moments. I think of that line from Paul, "We see dimly as through a glass". I guess in part this is why I blog and talk to people who are willing to speak of their own personal spiritual experience. I want to know what others authentically feel and experience about life and the difficult existential questions.. So, Thank you for you advice. Not sure I can apply what you said but I will think about it..
ReplyDeleteI think about how I changed and look at life now. Alot of it can be likened to guiding on a river (or counseling young students ;)) I know a lot of guides who say they get the opportunity to relive "firsts" through thier clients; living vicariously through the joys of others. The way I choose to view and act on this world now is derived from the same pattern. When I can make those around me truely happy, even if I am not actively engaged in that happiness, I feel that sense of inner warmth. Nowadays I just dont feel that I need recognition of my deeds or the help i provided, my sense of self-worth and inner pride feed my soul. Selflessness was the hardest thing to learn in my life.
ReplyDeleteI feel that sometimes even with all the understanding we can have in this world, it takes time, sometimes alot of it, for it all to come together. Enlightenment is a long, strange trip... haha
Thanks again for sharing your understanding of parts of the life journey. Great you can live through the joys of others. You are right. Life is different now. It is not so much about "me" anymore (although on another day I would like to return to this theme of the "me"). Also great you are getting over yourself in the sense of "not needing recognition for your deeds or the help you provide others". In regard to this, I have good days and bad days for lack of a better phrase. I can quickly slip back into that all too common state of, "what about me" or, "Look what I have done". etc. I find my own need for recognition to be almost compulsive and incessant and I wish I could just "get out of the way". . But, like you said, "It takes time". And yes to the "ha ha" of it all. I think of some of those old zen sayings. A pupil goes to his master asking how long it will take to achieve enlightenment. The master says, ten years. The pupil asks, "Suppose I work really hard"? The wise Master replies, "Then twenty years". So, 'ha ha' to our own, sometimes foolish efforts that miss the point. .
ReplyDelete