The Mind of Winter

I think often about my place in nature. I wrestle with my sense of belonging. Sometimes I walk up to the river and on my first few casts I catch fish. Everything is beautiful, flowing, and everything is just right. I feel I belong.

Fishing or doing anything in harsh conditions can be different. Sometimes it just too cold and the wind feels too harsh to belong. Sometimes we are just waiting and waiting for things to warm up and for the fish to start feeding. During such moments, at least for me, I feel almost "God forsaken" in a God forsaken land.

Yesterday, I went skiing. It was cold, bitter cold.  "Cold on cold; snow on snow." Usually I love floating and flowing on snow. But, the cold wind was unrelenting. I had to turn my back on nature to keep my face from freezing. I was miserable wondering in such harsh conditions how this is "God's place." I found myself wondering if there was some way to "enter," to enter God's creation, and to enjoy it. If there was a way in, and I was supposed to be there, I was missing the point of entrance.

Poets give us clues. Could I be like a snow-man?  Poetic words by Wallace Stevens from a poem titled, "The Snow Man."

"One must have a mind of winter, to regard the frost and the boughs of pine trees crusted with snow; And have been cold a long time to behold the Junipers shagged with ice. The spruces rough in the distant glitter of the January sun. And not to think of any misery in the sound of the wind, in the sound of a few leaves,which is the sound of the land full of the same wind that is blowing in this same bare place."