The great German speaking poet, Rainer Maria Rilke concluded
one of his poems with the statement, “I need to change my life.” The line comes out of nowhere. It is a powerful conclusion and a
proclamation stating a frustration with life that emanates from the poets own
inner being. And it also strikes a
chord deep inside my soul.
I wonder if this sense of wanting my life to change in some
deep manner is simply a part of the existential human condition. Is it normal to struggle with angst,
meaninglessness and the feeling that life remains unfulfilled? It seems to me that no matter what I obtain
and no matter how much success I achieve there is still something elusive that
remains just out of casting range of the rivers I fish. There is always the fish that gets away.
My fly fishing world of river, rock and sky, provides a
wonderful place for me to wrestle with these questions and the existential
struggles of life. My guess is that there are many people out there who at
least feel some of the frustration and want their life to change. However, I
think many remain silent. After all, aren’t we supposed to be happy and
fulfilled? But suppose if we are not?
I prefer not to pretend and just go along and smile. I, like the poet, want to make that
proclamation, “I need to change my life.”
I want to change my life and take steps to make that happen, even if I do not know the first step. Perhaps, I can at least start by saying a firm no, to those paths I intuit as being a distraction.
Forget therapy. Forget the pills. I don’t need a drink.
Forget all the electronic connections I can make via the social media world. And I
don’t need to go to church.
Sometimes, I just need to stand on the banks of a river and
cast, even knowing that some fish will always elude me.
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