The trout in Cheesman Canyon are of an abstemious nature. They were picky all day. There was no magic fly. A fish here and a fish there. One on a egg, three on a brown worm, a few on a black beauty and one or two on a zebra midge. But what a beautiful place. And what great company to be with friends trying to entice the wary fish.
These fish teach me about life. They teach me about my life. Perhaps I am the one who is picky and ultra selective. I often complain about not being able to connect well to people. Perhaps, like the fish, this is just my nature. However when I do connect with fish and others, it is a wonderful experience deeply appreciated.
I try not to blame others when I do not connect just as I try not to blame the fish. But of course I still do. Rather than pointing the finger at the fish or people in my life I think I should make adjustments within myself. I can change my rig. I can change flies, use lighter tippet and make better presentations. But I can only change so much. At some point I need to accept that this is the nature of these fish. I need to personally realize who I am. In my own relationships, I need to accept the nature of others and not try to change them. In the end, perhaps I need to learn to accept others and myself at a deeper level and learn that the fish that was not caught was no one's fault. I can just be who I am and let the fish be who they are and let others be how they are.
I guess there are many people who relate and connect well to large numbers of different kinds of people. Business minded individuals should be this way. Guides, in all their different forms should be this way. However, I am not so sure about myself and how I relate regardless of what might seem to be common sense.
While I do not consider myself a poet I do have a poetic personality type which most often does not help matters. Often idealistic, melancholy and deep, I tend to be disappointed. I relate better with people who think and feel life deeply and know something of the sadness of life. It is not easy for me to sit around and drink merrily discussing the superficial. Those who are honest with me will tell me, that I am, "Too deep, too heavy and too intense," and that I need to lighten up.
But once in a while a fish takes the fly and I connect. Once in a while I deeply connect to others as I did this day in Cheesman Canyon.
The fish are selective and so am I. As Emily Dickinson says,
"The soul selects her own Society-
Then- shuts the Door-
To her divine Majority-
Present no more-"
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