The Mystery of My Life as a Fly Fisher

Since I was young, I felt a strange fascination with the mystery of my life. There was so much that I simply did not understand about myself or, of life in general.  I will soon be 60, and this preoccupation continues as I try to unravel the meaning of my life.  

Often Christians told me that I was too inward. Teachers told me I was too serious. Friends told me to lighten up.  While I considered their words, and entertained the thought that I might be out of balance, for the most part I continued to think introspectively about the existential condition of my life.

Over the years, the existential poets and philosophers have helped me. 

Soren Kierkgaard, the founding father of existentialism said it was a mistake to look outward. If we do, we tend toward mere “talkativeness.”  He continued to ask the tough questions: Where am I?  Where do I belong?

Rilke describes looking up at the evening sky and says the image leaves him with the task of trying to unravel the mystery of his life.

Dostoevsky said that he had to face the mystery of his life, if he wanted to be a man.  

Socrates said the un-examined life is not worth living.

Camus said life was absurd.  And yet, like Sisyphus, we are to continue to push the boulder up the mountain again and again even knowing it will simply roll back down. 

Another year and decade begins full of mystery. What will the coming days bring? Will the fishing be good?

What is the meaning of the big fish that will get away or any of the fish that we might hold in our hands?

Will we preserve our delicate fish populations or cause injury?