In the final sentence of "A River Runs Through It" , Norman Maclean says, “I am haunted by waters”. I believe he was haunted as he reflected back to soulful memories of being with his family and especially of fly fishing with his Father and brother. And no doubt, a big part of this haunting had to do with the loss of his brother Paul. In looking back over his life, Norman must have wondered if there was anything he could have done to reach Paul that could have prevented his death.
At the same time I think Norman was also haunted by some of the spiritual thoughts that his father shared with him. Norman keenly remembered his father’s pondering of timeless raindrops falling on ancient rocks and his fascination with the word, the logos, that he believed was under the rocks. Norman deeply remembered his father often sitting on the bank of the river, listening to the sounds of the river, with his Bible opened to John chapter one as he read and meditated on the logos.
Norman was haunted by all these things as he wrote the final pages of his novel and these different feelings flowed, swirled and mingled together as he wrote, “Under the rocks are the words and some of the words are theirs’. I am haunted by waters”.
Perhaps in our electronic sterilized concrete world it is difficult to be haunted by much of anything anymore. Or maybe many of us just choose not to be. I personally think it is good to be haunted by life with its mysterious turns and events and to not be haunted is to miss out on the most vital aspects of life.
It seems to me, to not be haunted by anything in life is to be one dimensional. To be one dimensional is to sort of live life like a standup piece of cardboard with out depth. It is to live only on the surface of things instead of peering into the depths of soul and looking below the surface of life.
To not be haunted by anything is to not be stirred by much of anything. To not be stirred is to not feel very deeply about anything. It means to shut out any mysterious thoughts and to not ask the questions that have no answers.
To not be haunted by anything means to only pay attention to what is considered the best fly rod on the market or the best pair of breathable waders or the latest gadget you have to buy. It means to only be concerned with how many fish you caught.
To not be haunted by anything means to live only in the concrete and literal world. The only thing real is what you can see in front of you. To not be haunted by anything is to ignore the deeper mysterious experiences of the soul. It is to ignore what Norman Maclean called, “spots of time” a place where a “fisherman can experience eternity compressed into a moment”.
To not be haunted by anything means to not let anything get under your skin too much. It means to not really see or feel a river, a sunset, a meadow in spring; things so wonderful and beautiful they bring you to tears and that you are at once and at the same time both disconnected and connected to all of this beauty.
To not be haunted by anything means to look back at your life and to not ponder if you really could have helped those people who for various reasons are no longer in your life; a brother, sister, child, spouse, old friend, or the stranger you met on the river last year.
Thoreau said that most fishermen spend their entire lives without knowing that it is not the fish they are after. To not be haunted by anything means to keep pretending that it is only the fish you are after.
To not be haunted by anything probably also means that there is not a God that could be behind and under everything and is the source of all that your feel, and want and ever dreamed about. To not be haunted by anything probably means that it is very difficult to wonder if beyond everything and underneath everything you are loved.
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