Nice Guys (2): Loss of Fierceness and Vitality in Men

I have written before about how I don’t like to be described as a “nice guy” and how I don’t like to say it of others because I just don’t know what it means.

I guess it seems to me that a Christian man can be nice, very nice in fact, but perhaps too nice. There can be a cloying aspect to a man’s concern of others. When I read about Jesus I do not get a sense that he was “nice”. He was not “just a good guy”. And yet we often throw the phrase around in men’s fellowship groups describing others in this manner, “He is just a nice guy”.

I think I first became skeptical of this phrase almost 20 years ago after reading Robert Bly’s book titled Iron John: A Book About Men. I remember he described a new type of man emerging in the decades of the 80’s and 90’s. He described this new sensitive male as, “A nice boy who not only tried to please his mother but also the young woman he is living with”.

Bly then went on to describe this new male as being sensitive to the environment, war, and how he did not believe in fighting. But Bly thought that something was missing. This new man lacked vitality. He lacked boundaries. He lacked fierceness and decisiveness when it was needed. In essence he was a “nice guy” trying to please everyone and upset no one.

I have seen these qualities in myself. I have seen these qualities in many Christian men.  Personally, I am trying to move away from these “qualities”. I don’t want to be described as being, “just a nice guy”.  And I try not to use the phrase to describe men whom I hold in high regard..

And I don’t think there is a fly fishermen out there who is worth his salt would want to just be called a nice fisherman.