Maintaining Connection While Playing a Fish: Staying Connected In Relationships

"For it is important that awake people be awake, or a breaking line may discourage them back to sleep; the  signals we give-yes or no, or maybe-should be clear: the darkness around us is deep". William Stafford.

Every time I battle a big fish or watch someone else do battle, I am aware of the precarious position of the fly fisher. There is often a fine line between being able to net the fish and losing the fish. Too much tension and the fish breaks free. Not enough tension and the fish throw’s the hook.

I and other fly fishers often make a lot of mistakes while battling fish.

I think these fine lines that are often crossed, broken or maintained while battling fish, can parallel our dialogue in relationships with others.  In relationships, a certain kind of “tension” or “contact” must be maintained to keep the relationship and communication moving forward and growing. And here too indeed there are fine lines.  If we rush our words, ideas, and perspectives on others, or get angry, often the relationship stops growing and in a way, “breaks off”,. Or we are aloof and indifferent. with a shrug of the shoulders,  "A shrug that lets the fragile sequence break". All it takes is a subtle glance away or of disgust or disapproval or being overly forecful. The opportunity is lost.

But we can also do and say too little during times of potential relational growth. We can let go of all our own intentions and take little initiative and in a sense, betray ourselves for as the poet says, "There is many a betrayal in the mind".  Our own intentions and our words can sort of just drift away from us as we merely conform to the ideas of others. We break the tension by just going along.

Any meaningful relationship is a give and take and exchange of honest dialogue. This exchange is all  part of the delicate balance to maintain contact. As is true in the art of conversation and in much of fly fishing, timing is everything. There is a time to act and speak and there is a time to be still and listen. 

I know I let potential conversations die out. Sometimes it is easy for me to understand what went wrong just as it is easy to understand what happens when I put too much pressure on a fish or not maintain proper tension. Sometimes I get a feeling right in midst of the conversation, “No, don’t say that”, or “Not now” or “Just be quiet now”.  Or, sometimes I know that to simply ask a polite question rather than making another statement is just what is needed to maintain the tension. At other times, a strong statement may be needed. It depends. There is timing. There are fine lines, just as there are fine lines in maintaining a fish on the end of the line. And often I break those fine lines.

And when it comes to conversing with our loved ones; our family members, these can be the most precarious of all situations. To maintain contact in these situations can be touchy and requires patience and art.

Today, I took two friends fishing on Pueblos Arkansas River. As is often the case, fish were landed and fish were lost.  Fine lines were maintained and some fine lines were broken.

Hopefully, more importantly, the fine lines of our relationships were maintained.