Living In "Dis-ease": Fly Fishing In and Out of Rhythm

In the opening lines of Ronald Rolheiser’s book titled, “The Holy Longing”, he says, “It is no easy task to walk this earth and find peace. Inside of us, it would seem, something is at odds with the very rhythm of things and we are forever restless, dissatisfied, frustrated, and aching… Put more simply, there is within us a fundamental dis-ease.”

For most of my life, I have wrestled with this “dis-ease” and feeling out of rhythm. Fly-fishing, perhaps more than any other activity, has given me some ease to this “dis-ease”, particularly, when fishing a hatch and I perceive a sense of living in harmony with the feeding fish. Yet, even as wonderful as fly-fishing can be, the “dis-ease”, at some level, still persists.

In addition, there are those days while fly-fishing when I am out of tune even with the fish. My casts are out of tune. My timing is wrong. I am out of rhythm.  I might feel more confused and lost, than connected and at ease. Fly-fishing can reveal to me both sides of the paradox of belonging and not belonging, of being in harmony and out of harmony, of feeling at ease and not at ease.  

I believe how we come to terms with this dis-ease is an important aspect of our faith. If we are not aware of this "dis-ease", our uneasiness may drive us into all kinds of compulsions as we desperately try to find relief. My best guess at this point in my life is that we must be aware of the “dis-ease”, understand that it is part of the true spiritual human condition, and know how this condition can cast us into all kinds of directions.  By faith, I believe that ultimately, the “dis-ease” will be resolved.  Nevertheless, the question for now is how we will live with this dis-ease?  

Unfortunately, experiencing the Christian life as a “dis-ease” is not a very popular idea. The culture, even the Christian culture seems to be obsessed with easing any of our unhappiness and uneasiness.

 In this culture, it is not easy to just be left in our “dis-ease”.