I wonder if some-thing unique happens, not only within our
selves, but also in others and even the entire creation, perhaps even within
the fish, when we begin to live according to the Beatitudes, as spoken by
Jesus. Maybe “some-thing” new begins to happen, when we consider walking in the
kingdom of God, starting with our own hunger and thirst for
something deeper than the fish we seek.
When I took my
daughter fly-fishing on the Dream Stream, I tried to do some “heart
preparation” for our time together. It was not much but it was something. I simply
made a choice not to be uptight and frantic. My daughter and I even talked
about how we were not really going fishing but rather we were just going for a
nice walk along the river. We might cast if we saw some fish but the attitude
was quite laissez-faire. With the Aspen
golden yellow, it was far too beautiful of a day for stressful rushing around fretting and worried about catching fish. I
thought of some poetic lines:
“Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow, neither do
they reap, nor gather in barns and yet your heavenly father feeds them…”
“Which of you by being anxious can add a single cubit to his
life’s span?”
We walked, letting go of our need to fish and it was then
that we found a good run of water. The bugs started to hatch and the fish
responded taking tiny Tricos off the surface. We also responded and started
throwing our dry flies in the drift lines leading into gulping mouths. I did
not worry much about helping my daughter. I had taught her enough 20 years ago.
I decided I was just going to let her
fish and figure it out on her own. And, even that letting go felt right.
Jesus says, “First seek his Kingdom,” and the other things
we worry about (in this case, catching fish) “shall be added." Of course, we were trying our best to offer
our flies as naturally as possible to the hefty Rainbows and Browns. The fish were being ultra selective as they
often are on the Dream Stream.
When my daughter decided to sit on the rocks in the sun and
rest, I did not try to convince her to keep fishing. I just let her be. I finally took a few fish. She fell asleep for a little while and then
she got up and said, “Ok, I want to fish now.”
She then made about 10 casts and hooked 4-5 good fish. The fish were
large and catapulted out of the water as she quietly giggled each time saying,
“I got another one.”
Fly fishers downstream heard the commotion came up and
inquired as to what she was using. One man was particularly gracious to us,
complimentary and asked for some tips. I tried my best to offer some help, but, how was I to explain to this kind soul
the way to place a fly in a fishes mouth when I failed to understand myself?
I do not share this little story of a Father daughter outing
as any kind of formula on how to catch fish nor on how to live the spiritual
life. I am also not saying that all we need to do in life, or in fishing, is to
have faith. The true mysteries of life
cannot be reduced to such formulas. Nor can concrete science explain the best things in life. I doubt this type of experience will
ever be repeated in my own life, or my daughters, in the same exact manner.
However, it is something to ponder. Can our small choices to,
“First, seek His Kingdom,” and the slight changes we might make in our hearts, change the tapestry of life? As we make a
choice to seek, and whatever that might mean for each person, perhaps the
entire creation responds in a different way. Perhaps even the fish respond to
us differently.These are lofty thoughts and yet, I personally believe, worthy of our consideration.
Interesting that after landing her fifth large fish my
daughter humbly said to me, “Dad, I feel I am casting ok and getting the fly
where the fish are but I am not this
good.” She added, “It almost feels too
easy.” We talked about that for a few minutes on the river without any conclusions.
If a small window was opened up for us to enter what we
might call the “kingdom of God,” I am
quite certain it will all too soon be sealed close again the very next time I
fish. The fish on the Dream Stream are
most often difficult to entice and show little mercy toward us who
pursue them so whole-heartedly. We can always hope that we might have our hearts
in the right place. However, I know myself and chances are I will slip back
into frantic striving trying to "force feed" trout.
I am still not sure exactly what happened on this beautiful,
somewhat mystical morning on the Dream Stream. I remain largely ignorant. I am however, quite convinced, that on this crisp, Fall morning walking the
Dream Stream, “some-thing” happened in which, for a brief window of time we
entered a place beyond and yet within our midst, even as the last tricos
drifted down the currents and the fish stopped feeding.
Beautifully written, Anthony. Sometimes there is no earthly explanation for what we experience. Many times things occur that defy any logic as we would know it in our understanding, but not God's. I am often reminded by scripture that God chose the foolish things of the world to confound the wise. You are truly correct when you say if we seek him first, everything else shall follow .
ReplyDeleteThanks Scott for confirming my experience. Just as perplexing, is my own inability to keep "first things first." When I have the correct attitude/"prayer" I feel so much better but often, even my own "Happiness" is not enough for me to choose the right way. I find I am quite stubborn; even in my own misery, all the time hearing... "Blessed (happy) are those who . . . "
ReplyDeleteAnthony, what you experienced is nothing short of magical. That state of being, that magical place only lasts a short while. Reminds me of what Norman Maclean said: "At that moment I new surely and clearly that I was witnessing perfection. My brother stood before us, not on a bank of the Big Blackfoot River, but suspended above the earth free from all its laws, like a work of art. And I knew just as surely and just as clearly that life is not a work of art, and that the moment could not last."
ReplyDeleteI really love that quote you shared from "A River Runs Thru It," and how such moments can not last. I also often write/speak of such "glimpses." I guess somehow we need to do our best to "recognize" such glimpses and where they come from by being grateful and yet at the same time, not let them dominate our lives where be we are always expecting life to be at this intense level of beauty and connection. I tend to struggle with letting life be what it is and always wanting "more." There is that quote from Rumi about, "Kissing a joy as it flies," reminding me to "let go," even as I acknowledge the brief gifts I sometimes experience, or could experience in the next moment, as we fish. Fishing offers us a wonderful allegory of the spiritual life with its sporadic moments of connection (glimpses) spread out over hours and hours of casting with nothing tugging on the line.
ReplyDeleteWell stated Anthony. I look at these moments as our glory as it was meant to be, but we only see glimpses of it. I think it's related to the desire to be the way we were meant to be. Amen!
ReplyDeleteFor me the challenge is to live inbetween the glimpses where it seems nothing is happening and one is standing alone on the river and the fish are not taking the fly.
ReplyDeleteIt seems that as a culture, and often the "Christian" culture, we are not very good at standing alone, waiting, enduring. I feel my soul does not fit in well with a culture that demands almost instant gratification, constant fulfillment and efficiency and increases in "productivity." My soul seems to remember another way of being and experiencing life, perhaps as you said, "the way we were meant to be," and it has little to do with the way our society functions, and the pace of so much around me.
ReplyDelete