Fish that Matter the Most: Contemplating What Tugs

When I was younger and learning to fly fish many of the fish I caught meant a lot to me because I was learning new techniques and refining my skills.  If I fooled a fish on a tiny dry fly or a streamer fly, or if I caught fish using a particular fancy cast such as a reach-mend, and made the perfect drift, these fish had special meaning. I felt accomplished and I had a deep conviction that my new skills and techniques were the precise reason I caught fish.  

However, as I got older, it now seems that only a few fish really matter to me.  These are the fish that for a variety of reasons (and that I may only know), ended up on the end of the line when I was doing most things wrong (if not everything!) and I know the fish I “fooled” and that tugged on the line, had nothing to do with my skills.  In fact, at times I was not even paying attention. Such fish are humbling to me, and yet, now, bring me a greater satisfaction and meaning because such fish hint at something we might call “luck” or perhaps even something of God; which ironically, seems to be, not really about me.

The other fish that matters immensely to me is the one that gets away. This elusive fish is held in between my hands as I say, “It was this big”, and is somewhere in my heart and soul. Such fish stretch my imagination and give me hope that the elusive God I seek is not to be held or caught or controlled by my own effort or skill and is not to be grasped in my clingy hands.  

So, it is the fish that suddenly tugs when I am not doing much right, and the one that gets away, that reminds me that the best things that come to me in life are those that I know are gifts. Is there any greater satisfaction? 

When I wrote my fly fishing story, "Bringing Back Eden" I noticed that these were the fish that kept rising to the surface of my heart and mattered the most to me.