Learning From Writing My Own Story

I learned a lot from writing my own fishing story titled Bringing Back Eden. I think it was worth the effort, even if not many read it.   

It took courage to put my thoughts down on paper. It took more courage to commit to placing those innermost thoughts into a book. It was humbling to consider the fact that most people would not want to read it, yet even more humbling that some people did read it and connected to my story.  

Soren Kierkegaard said “The crucial thing is to find a truth, to find an idea for which I am willing to live and die.” I have to get to the place where I hold to my ideas, my truth, and be willing to “die” for that truth.  If I take his comment symbolically it seems I have to be willing to believe in my own life story, my own ideas, even if it does not bring status or financial gain or so called “happiness”. This is not easy to do in a culture that highly values status, financial gain, and happiness.

When I first started writing people asked me, “Who is your audience? Who are you writing for? ” but, I could not respond. I could not answer. I just wrote what I had to say. I stuck to my truth.  And I knew I could not please everyone. In fact I knew I could perhaps only please a few, if anyone.  

I knew many of my Christian friends might be offended by my comments about the church.  I came right out and said I believe, in many cases, we would be better off on the river than being in church on Sunday morning.  I complained that often church is the last place to go with one’s own serious questions and struggle regarding the faith.  And God forbid if I disagreed with what was going on in church or what was being spoken. Could I dare raise my hand and politely share my truth?

At the same time I knew I could not please those who had little spiritual interest or commitment and who only wanted to know how to catch more and bigger fish. They might find all my “God talk” offensive. They might think I am crazy talking about loneliness, struggling to belong and the possibility of  a comforting angel.

My story presents Something in between these two poles. Somewhere in the middle of the river lies a large beautiful mysterious fish. The fish surfaces now and then but just as often, quickly vanishes. I think I see it but I am not sure. I have some skills but they are limited and the cast must be placed on a narrow seam line.

And sometimes I contemplate the amazing possibility if God, in some small way might help me bring a fish into my cluttered vision;  help me make a cast that brings that fish to my fly, and then, eventually into my hands that always grasp too tightly. 

This is an idea, a truth, for which I am willing, symbolically speaking, to die for.